Aside from perhaps a tingling in the nether regions, your newfound spidey abilities might leave you a lot worse for wear than the franchise would have us believe This year, perhaps more than any other, is make or break for the MCU. Once such an unstoppable pop culture colossus that even Martin Scorsese had a take on them, superhero movies have spent the last half-decade wobbling dangerously. The recent commercial disappointment of DC’s Supergirl is a sign that the public is still fatigued from all the endless variations on a theme, and it is into this minefield that Marvel plans to release two huge movies in the coming months, in the form of Avengers: Doomsday and Spider-Man: Brand New Day.

Will these films succeed where previous MCU films have suffered? Perhaps not now that science has revealed that Spider-Man is a lie. A new press release from Glasgow’s Kelvinside Academy has revealed precisely what would happen if Spider-Man was a real person who actually existed, and it isn’t pretty.

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